Hardy Har Har

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy becausehe is sure that he has a better education. He decidesto prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies' expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstickand starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says:

"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

Ian

This is Ian.

Ian is like a baby brother to me. I've known him forever. He calls me "jie" (big sis).

When I first got to know him he was a shy teenage boy who seemed petrified of girls, especially older girls. (Yah lah. Especially of me lah. K?! Happy?!)

Who would have thought we'd grow so close and remain friends so many years down the road.

We went to Ice Cold Beer tonight to celebrate Ian finally getting himself a proper job.

This is Rich (in the middle).

Very happy for him cuz he also found himself a job. Double celebration! Wait a minute, this starting to sound like chinese wedding like that.

Some of the other insane peeps that were there.

Arvi & Marvi were also in attendance. Don't ask me why two two must wear black. Maybe some sort of an attempt at dressing like a couple without wanting to be too obvious?

"Triad meeting in progress" is the name of this pic, as so aptly chosen by my Target Twin.

**yawn**

So sleepy. Nitezzz u'all.

I got my DIGICAM!!!!

I tell you I have not been this excited to own something since I got my nokia 7610.

It all started with an excursion to Sim Lim Square to get a webcam for my Target Twin for her birthday which is coming up on 6th September. I shan't disclose or dwell on her age as she is already agonising over it.

Since I know diddly squat about webcams and such I recruited my man's help. It was quite easy locating a shop which has an abundant variety of webcams to choose from. After we had picked one out for her and paid my man decided to tempt me by walking in and out of all the electronic goods shops there, and trust me there are plenty in Sim Lim. He kept asking me if I wanted the Panasonic LUMIX FX8 for my anniversary present. Since the last time I asked him to help me look for a digicam I had fallen in love with this particular one. I repeatedly said no and he kept asking me.

Finally, at the third shop he asked the sales assistant the price of the FX8. The guy said it was $699 and that there was a promo going on and the shop was giving away a 256mb memory card with the camera and on top of that Panasonic was having a promo as well and would be giving away an additional 256mb memory card for every Panasonic camera bought. I was quite tempted but the price was still to steep for my liking.

So off we went to the next shop and my man asked the sales assistant for the price of the FX8. I liked the sales guy at this shop instantly, probably cuz he was uber friendly (and cute too). My instincts paid off cuz he quoted us $567 for the FX8. My man got all excited and when he saw the LUMIX FZ5 at the shop and found out that it was going for $699 also with the two 256mb memory card thrown in he was sold. The sales assistant at the other shop had quoted my man $799 for the LUMIX FZ5. And so my man purchased these two cameras on the spot.

my first digicam

my man's FZ5 with the 12x optical zoom.

(so he can take pics of people in Jurong.)

Another reason I liked this sales guy was definitely cuz he flattered me. Vanity is so my downfall.

This is how the conversation went.

sales guy : buy lah. buy for your girlfriend.

my man : this is not my girlfriend. this is my wife.

**sales guy opens his eyes as big as marbles**

sales guy : sure not?! you two marry so young ah?

my man : you guess how old we are lah.

sales guy : you are 25 (to my guy) and you are 21 ( to me).

**i look away and try not to laugh.**

my man : alamak! see lah! now her head swollen. I'm never gonnna hear the end of this.

sales guy : no lah. really. you two look very young. i thought you two still dating.


Cute and a sweet talker. Talk about deadly combination. Fortunately for me I am happily married. If not kena conned to work for free in the shop for this sales guy already lor.

I'm off to take a nap, with my digicam in tow of course.

A fairytale

Got this email from a friend.

Totally loved it. It's so me.

A colleague asked me if it was an original compsition after he'd read it. Ha!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and lemon sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't think so.

A gift for my man

I didn't go to work today and so my man and I went to get him his anniversary present.

It's a bag. My man loves bags. Thank goodness for him so do I. If not he sure kena nag. He's got loads of them, as do I.

This is the bag he fell in love with.

It's called the vulture and it's from this brand called Magforce international. He saw it on a US site.

Thank God there this shop here called Sheares that he frequents that imports this brand and had this bag in stock. If not we'd have to buy it online and pay for shipping and all that other crap. My man knows one of the guys there and so we got it for $187. Quite a steal actually, compared to what he's paid for some of his other bags. I must say they are well worth it. All the bags he's ever bought last forever (almost) and can hold an extraordinary amount of things.

I still don't know what I want. Actually I want a digicam but the models I like are way too expensive and I don't wanna him to spend that kind of money. I'd be happy with a watch but I haven't seen any that tickle my fancy as yet. Guess I'm just too fussy sometimes (ok, ok, alot of the time).

Fucking Hilarious

I am new to blogsphere.

And last night as I was sneaking my way through Kenny Sia's archives I came across this gem.

Here is minishorts version.

Enjoy!

ROFLMAO!!!

Plagarism

This is damn alarming.

Not that I'd ever be such a great writer/blogger that anyone would wanna do this to me.

This girl really has no shame and a hide that even the combination of buffalo, rhino, elephant and hippo could not beat.

These are wonderful examples of shamelessness.

Read the comments too.

Poor minishorts. Fame has it's price.

I give up. Too frustrated and annoyed to go on about this. I just can't believe people like this exist.

Sigh.

Off to bed, before I give myself a headache.

Updates : Kindly disregard the links on this post. The person in question's blog can no longer be located.

posted at 12:19am on Aug 19 2005

Fucking Disgusting BURPER!

I got stuck on a really crowded bus on the way back from work.

At the stop after mine this skinny guy was one of the multitude who got on the bus and he decided to sit next to me. Which was fine, except that he could not bloody well wait for me to move aside for him to get in. Granted he is really skinny and had almost no difficulty squeezing his minimalistic bag of bones pass me to get to the window side ( i was seated by the aisle), I still got really fed up that he rubbed his skinny ass right across my bag. Call me paranoid, BUT, who knows when was the last time he washed those pants. Or if he went to take a leak, didn't wash his hands and immediately after rubbed his hands on his pants. I could go on and on with more disgusting scenarios, each more blood curdling then the next. YUK!

When I got over the revulsion and compulsion to clean my bag I heard this distinct sound coming from this pest next to me. When the bus stop at a red light and all was slightly quieter I realise that sound I had been hearing for some time was this fucker next to me burping!

Don't get me wrong. I burp. All the time in fact. Ask my friends and they'll tell you that I love to burp. As a friend of mine once said, "Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it."

But this was a totally different case all together. This guy was burping like he kena force to burp like that. They came out in sets of five or six continuous ones. It was so bad that I was worried he might explode and I'd have pieces of skinny fucker all over me.

I counted them. That's how disgusted and annoyed I was. I wanted to see how many times he'd go at it. All in all he burped 97 times (from the time I noticed and started counting anyways). So annoying! Luckily no smell lor. If not I'd be typing this from my hospital bed.

WHY ME??!!??

First torture session

Alamak! Feel like shit man. Aching everywhere.

If you have not guessed by now I went for my first gym session today. I am really out of shape. I knew that to begin with but I am talking seriously out of shape.

This reminds me of the time I first started step aerobic classes. For the first ten days my legs were a cross between lead and jelly. Don't even get me started on the rest of my body.

Today's session was quite good, seeing as how I never excercise outside of running after people or from place to place when at work. I did half an hour on that stair master thingy (without falling off hor!). Another twenty minutes on the threadmill (also without falling off). Finally my Target Twin, T and I did a little bit with the weights and then had lunch. I was exhausted after that.

God help me! Another session has been planned for coming Sunday. If I blog no more you know it is either cuz I am dead or have caused grievous hurt to myself.

FYI : My favourite flowers are tulips and lilies for those who wanna send condolense wreath/get well bouquets.

Parting gifts

I love stuff toys and lucky for me so do the two siao cha bohs that were transfered out of my deparment.

I got them each a cute little friend to remind them of me.

My Target Twin & Marcel. (yes, that is the monkey's name.)

My Target Twin had told me she liked her's and just my luck the Mini Toons where I work didn't have the object of her desire in stock and I had to go to Tampines after work to get it. The things I do for that one ah! Well, we'll leave that for another day, another post.

Lizzy's little darling. Isn't he adorable? I so wanted to keep him for myself. I was glad that Lizzy loved him the minute she set eyes on him. Too bad he's still nameless. And she keeps spraying him with Victoria's Secret body splash. As if he needs fumigating like that lor.

I'm glad that liked their little gifts and if I do say so myself, I have great taste.

Seperation from my Target Twin

My Target Twin and another girl, Lizzy, have been transfered out from our department.

A bunch of us who are close friends went for a makan session to bid these two darlings "farewell". Even though we are technically still in the same company we have all gotten pretty close and will miss each not seeing them everyday.

It was a fun and rowdy affair. I daresay we were lucky not to get kicked out of the restaurant.

Here are some pics taken on that day.

My Target Twin & Lizzy posing away, as usual.

Lizzy enjoying her black pepper chicken pasta.

My Target Twin practising for a chicken bake rice advert

Furbykins & Furbyfetish.

Tiffy & My Target Twin acting cute.

My Han-sem, paikia look-alike friend, the thorn among the roses in our group.

We had a great time laughing and eating (aiyoh! another post about food. I'm sensing a pattern here.) I will miss my these two insane girls so much. I don't think it ever occured to me how much though.

Not till now.

Plaza Premium Lounge

This is the name of a lounge facility where I work.

They have a promo for the company I work for. Staff can join the gym at $30 a month.

My friends and I decided it was high time that we start getting serious about losing weight and getting in shape. Especially me and Tiffy. She's getting married first quarter of next year and I am gonna be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding which is taking place in Melbourne at the end of this year.

My Target Twin and another friend, Chris, signed up too.

Hope this effort of mine lasts. Haiz.

Anniversary

It's my anniversary today.

I did not manage to get an off day but my man is off and he's coming to pick me after work for dinner. We went to Sakae Sushi and ate like piggies.

We still haven't figured out what to get each other though.

My man wants a new digicam, Panasonic DMC-FZ20. Damn ex sial ($800+). He claims it's worth it though cuz it's got 12x zoom and God only knows what else. I asked him what he needed a digicam that had 12x zoom for. Taking pics of people in Jurong ah? (we live in the east.) He laughed. At lease someone appreciates my humour. He doesn't want me to get it for him cuz it's so ex. But I'm at a loss as to what else to get him. Last year I got him a creative MP3 player for our anniversary and this year I got him a pair of Timberland's for his birthday. What am I gonna do?

I want a new digicam too. Got my eye on the Panasonic DMC-FX8 or FX9 but i don't want him to get it for me eother. Granted the price is significantly less than his but it still cost a pretty penny. I do need a watch but i haven't seen one that I like.

Speaking of watches, after dinner we decided to check out this watch shop near by.

Notice that there are no shop assistances in sight, AT ALL!!

We went into the shop to browse. The salesgirl did not not come up to greet us, offer assistance or anything else. Practically ignored us, we were the only two patrons. It's not like there were tens of thousands of people clamering for her "excellent service". All the while the cashier sat behind the register. The salesgirl stood next to the cashier counter with her arms folded, facing us but totally engrossed in whatever conversation was taking place before we had entered. Talk about appaling customer service. At that point in time I realised why there was no one else in the shop. These two could care less if the damn place was set on fire. CCB! I promptly left with my man in tow.

It was straight home for us after that horrid encounter. I'm kinda hard to ignore and I found it hard to believe that anyone could ignore me to begin with. Guess I was wrong.

Must Love Dogs

I loved this movie.

I went with my Target Twin who loved it so much she's gonna bug the parentals to get her the vcd.

It was wonderful. Not overly soppy, not full of that dreadedly depressing yearning and longing. You know like in the old school taiwanese soap operas. Leading Man likes Leading Lady and vice versa. They see each other everyday but never strike up a conversation. Something tragic happens and they end up not seeing each other for a million months and only then do they realise they have missed the one for them. Bloody blah, bloody blah, bloody blah... 60 episodes later they meet again, etc etc etc, more tragedy ensues. Finally at epiosde 456 (seems like it anyhow) they get married. And if you are very lucky that is the end of their saga.

This movie was hilarious, light hearted, fun and most of all believable. Of course the fact that the leads are John Cusack and Diane Lane and I get to ogle at Dermot Mulroney are definitely a plus (in fact three pluses) in my book.

The dogs are so cute and their owners too.

The sisters are so believable and so are the other colourful characters.

I adore Christopher Plummer's potrayal as the ever popular dad who brings three dates to Thanksgiving dinner. The touching scene when he tells Sarah (Diane Lane's character) that he's had the love of his life is particularly heart renching. It drove my Target Twin and I to tears. Alas, to have a man say such things of me when I am gone. Twould be too much to ask. I hardly would think myself worthy anyway.

Really great movie. Productions such as these are few and far between. I feel it is so anyways. Maybe someone else will tell me it's crap. Oh well, to each its own.

Weddy.

Carl's Jr

Today my Target Twin and I went to


for the first time ever. I had read about Fincky Feline's outing with Scarlette Ting to this place and all the comments that followed that post made me so curious I just had to check it out. Of course it did not take much to convince my Target Twin to come along.

Found the advert below on the table we sat at. I just love it. So cute. As you can tell by the ashtray beside the handbag in the background we chose the outdoor seating. What to do? Need to smoke mah.

I just love that the food is delivered to you. And that the drinks are free flow. The burgers were huge. I had a pic of me holding the burger up to my face to show exactly how big it was. (covered my whole face, ok! don't play play hor.) But I decided against posting that pic.

Look at the scrumptious chilli cheese fries! *drool*

Once we took a bite of our burgers my Target Twin aptly proclaimed, " THIS IS WHAT A BURGER SHOULD BE." I whole heartedly agree of course. What a waste that we did not manage to finish the fries.

After we had consumed our much anticipated meal (i skipped breakfast for this burger hor) we headed down to

cuz my Target Twin needed to pay her bill. I did not know that you could only make payment by credit card at the main office which is opposite Somerset MRT station.

They had a Koi pond in foyer area, which is a nice touch but someone should do something about changing the water in that pond. The strench was tremendous. Or maybe a change in diet for the fishes if whatever they are excreting is the cause of the pong. It was so bad that my Target Twin said they must be feeding the fishes rotten, garlic burritos. HA!

On the bright side I did see one cute, cultured beng-ish guy using the POSB ATM.

Next stop was to OCBC to pay my credit card bill. You would not believe how irritated I got while waiting in the queue. At one point in time there were three counters that had tellers seated at them and were not attending to customers. What they being distracted by I have no idea. Maybe I was just being my typical, impatient, ancy, Singaporean self. Meaning, I hate to wait in line. Especially when there are people that are suppose to be attending to me and others in the queue but are not doing so for whatever reason.

After an extremely satisfying meal and with our errands completed we left for home.

*yawn*

Time to drift off to the land of nod.

Lunch

Went for lunch with my Target Twin today at Chee Fu Ji. They had a special National Day Set for $39 for two before tax and sevice fees and what not. Quite a good deal for seven courses, two drinks (bandung), a plate of fried rice, a big bowl of Bak Kut Teh, a plate of Sambal Kangkong, 8 sticks of satay (4 chicken, 4 mutton), a plate of 4 chilli crab claws and grass jelly dessert.

The food was delicious. The rice was magnificent and everything else was great. Except for the Kangkong which for some unfathomable reason was SWEET. Can you imagine our shock when we had our first mouthfuls? I mean sickeningly sweet like someone poured in tremendous amounts of sugar, as if intending to make Sambal Kangkong with a twist, the newest and most trendy dessert on our little island. NOT! YUK! I almost gagged. We ended up drowning it in the chilli gravy that came with the crab claw.

That dish also damn misleading. The huge poster in front of the place showed a big plate of four huge crab claws. I am by no means naive and do not expect crab claws the size of tua paus but I was seriously let down when I saw this dish lor. Last to come out somemore. Talk about anti climactic. Haiz!

What a vast difference from my last experience with seafood. I went to Penggerang with my man and his colleagues and these are some of the dishes we had to feast on.

Chilli Crab

Black Pepper Crab

Now you see why I was quite disapointed by the crab claw. But I must say it was yummy, even though a tad bit small.

At the end of the meal the supervisor/manager(?) came out while the waitress was clearing our table and noticed the huge plate of mostly untouched Kangkong. She asked us if the meal was satisfactory. We told her everything was great, execpt that the Kangkong was sweet. She immediately apologised and took the dish to the kitchen. A few moments later she returned and apologised again and thanked us for giving our feedback. She felt quite bad about the Kangkong tasting so bad and kept insisting on giving us something else to replace it. (talk about customer service.) My target twin and I refused cuz we were really very full. But the sweet lady supervisor/manager came out with two orange juices packed in take away cups for us.

I was really pleasantly surprised and touched that she would go through all that trouble. It's difficult to find such good customer service in Singapore nowadays. I think i appreciated it that much more cuz the lady was sincere. Not plastic or robot like when she was apologising. She made you feel that really cared about your dining experience and the quality of the food she was serving.

Well, that's about as much excitement that I had today.

Gotta catch some Zzzzzz....

Advertising tactics

Got an email about that show, the maid, today.

The person who sent it originally was saying how she went to Plaza Singapura toilet and got a shock of her life as she rounded the corner and she came face to face with this full size figure dressed the way it is in the pic on the right. It was placed by the door of the ladie's.

Granted it would be terrifying for me if I saw this thing right next to the ladie's anywhere but i take my hat off to the person who thought of it.

Especially since it is now 7th month, otherwise notoriously known in this part of the world as Hungry Ghost festival or Ghost Month. When the Chinese believe that the hell gates open and all the ghosts are allowed to roam freely through the earth doing terrible things to the living if they are not well fed. Here's another pic of what was awaiting the author of the email inside the ladie's. Having to face this after being scared shitless is just too cruel. Genius, but cruel. Ha! I'm glad that I have been to busy to patronise Plaza Singapura recently. This would definitely have caused quite a few sleepless nights.

My very first post...Ever!

How appropraite that my first post should be about food.

Today I went to town to pay some bills and I was with my very good friend who shall be known as my target twin.

We passed by Delifrance and decided to have lunch. What a big mistake. Talk about crappy food. I've never before had food that was this bad from a food establishment in town. I ordered the beef stroganoff pasta set. The beef wasn't in chunks or cubes as they should be. It was composed of mostly tendons and over cooked which resulted in it being very chewy. The sauce tasted like it was from a ready made pack and was chalky. Like it had't been fully disolved. Disgusting.

It came with a soup which was more like a gravy and cold garlic bread. The garlic bread's only saving grace was that it was super garlic-y. I am a big fan of garlic.

Wish I had something nicer to post about but I guess we can't all have what we want.

On a happier note, I got this in an email from my friend Duc and I wanna share it with whoever maybe passing by to take a look.

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock chips)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.


Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.