Simply Amazing

these are eggs (??!!??!!)






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Peek-a-boo loos

SO CUTE!













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Daring and delectable delights.

Chocolates anyone?


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Weird

Don't get me wrong. I like tattoos and piercing as much as the next guy. But this... I am speechless...

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So corny it hurts.

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument aboutwho was better on the computer. They had been going atit for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearingall the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT!!

I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for 2hours,and from those results, I will judge who deserves the better job". SoSatan and Jesus sat down atthe keyboards and typed away.

They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments

They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They createdlabels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did somegenealogy reports.They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known inthe underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted theircomputers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone!It's all GONE!!I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from thepast 2 hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's notfair! He cheated!How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said.....
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JESUS SAVES !!!!!

The pickup

A very shy computer programmer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively: "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs: "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed as he quickly slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says: "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, yelling at the top of his lungs: "What do you mean $200.00?!"

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Blonde joke

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamppartially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makeslove to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills. Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the twoblonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But whyhe wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

Guilt-free life?

Guilt is one of the worst experiences known to us. It makes us feel unworthy and miserable. However, guilt itself is not a real "feeling". It's caused by judging ourselves or when someone else judges us, and we think that we have done something "wrong". A child does not feel "guilty" until someone tells him that he has hurt someone.

Therefore, "feeling guilty" is a conditioned response, not an authentic feeling. In other words, we are taught to feel bad and thus guilty when someone judges us. This judgment can be about anything, such as how we dress, how we move, how we think, what we do. For many children these days, it's how well they perform in school. Unrealistically high expectations from parents can make a child feel inadequate and afraid to take risks.

The truth is, there is no "right" way to dress, think or do! And although examinations are necessary for the education system, academic accomplishments are by no means a gauge for how talented your child is or how successful he or she will be later in life. Benchmarks, standards, norms, they all stifle creativity!

Now, the next time someone is offended by your behaviour and is accusing you of doing something wrong, remember this: When a person judges you as wrong, they are in fact, defending against their own feelings. Your behaviour has reminded that person of certain feelings inside them that they are suppressing. They are upset with you for putting them in touch with those feelings and they seek to regain control by making you feel bad. This is a very important point to understand - people use guilt to control others.

The thing about guilt is that, once you're entangled in it, no resolution is possible. It pulls you in different directions at the same time while you remain stuck in the same place. This has a very de-energising effect. You feel you have to remain miserable because you feel you should be punished for doing something wrong.

It's easy to see why this sort of thinking is pointless and unhealthy. If you feel that you have done something you really regret, apologise and stop doing it. Punishment doesn't resolve anything. Identify the mistake, learn from it and move forward. Unlike feeling guilt, taking responsibility for your actions is empowering and educational.

So stop accepting judgments from yourself or from others. Honour your own needs and feelings instead of making them wrong. Feeling your real feelings will help you understand what's best for you instead what you've been conditioned to believe.

What do you think?

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Euro-English

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European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby Englishwill be the official language of the European Union rather than German,which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded thatEnglish spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this willmake the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear upkonfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when thetroublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words likefotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expektedto reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which havealways ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languagis disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tuunderstand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted inze forst plas.



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One of the things i miss

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about Malaysia...

Pallid

This is Pallid. We had a surprise party for him earlier this month. His wifey planned the whole thing. Isn't love a wonderful thing?



This is the cake I chose. Thank God everyone loved it.



This is Pallid with his birthday present. I loved the look of shock on his face when we gave it to him.

Then we endured a whole night of this...



Jokes aside I am glad he loved his present. Thanks to G for getting it.

A copy of fish & co?

Tonight my man and i went here for dinner.








We happen to be wandering around Plaza Singapura and stumbled upon this place.

The decor is quite nice. Very quaint.

My man said he'd read about this place. It had been set up in Kuala Lumpur first then came to Singapore. The person that started it was hired to help set up Fish & co and then started this place.

The menu is quite similar to Fish & co but there are some differences.



Like the way the waiter melts the cheese right at your table.



I was damn impressed to say the least.

It was a truly unique dining experience.

How often does your waiter come to your table with a mini flame thrower in hand?

TIFFY

These are long overdue pics from the farewell lunch we had wif tiffy.

I miss her.

*sigh*

Saying goodbye to mother

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A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine,
covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they had put out into the yard scooted back into the house.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tried to eat the bird.
The wife got into the taxi while the husband went back inside to get the cat.
The cat ran upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife didn't want the driver to know the house would be empty
for the night.
She explained to the taxi driver that her husband would be out soon. "He's
just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long, he said as they drove away.. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.

I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck.
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car...


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datuk-ship for sale?

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check this out.

China's Budget Airline

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I think we bettter stop complaining.

How cool is

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THIS?????

I cannot wait!
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Proud to be Chinese

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands overthe keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees toaccept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinesefor using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's undergroundgarage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says,"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction hasworked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2weeks for only $15.41 and Expect it to be there when I return?"

oh no kenny!

fucking funny shit i tell you!!

definitely a must read.